Dealing with loneliness when your spouse has ADHD

Do you have a partner who suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity (ADHD)? You’re not the only one. ADHD is not just a childhood disorder. It’s also common in adults.

While much research has focused on the lives of adults with ADHD and their well-being, there has been less research done on what it is like for a non-ADHD partner in a partnership or to date a person with ADHD.

As more studies are conducted and more people share their experiences, it is becoming clear that there are challenges in being the partner or spouse of someone with ADHD. This condition can impact a marriage in many ways. However, the overwhelming sense of loneliness is one of the biggest challenges. We will discuss how ADHD can impact adult relationships. We’ll also cover how to get professional help and how to deal with a partner who does not have ADHD.

How can ADHD affect a relationship or a marriage?

ADHD can be characterised by symptoms such as hyperactivity and inattention. It’s also characterised by impulsive behaviour and speech. In the United States, it is estimated that ADHD affects 8.4% of children and 2.5% of adults.

Experts don’t know for sure what causes this commonly occurring mental disorder. Research suggests that external factors, such as a person’s environment, genetics, and physical makeup, may also contribute to the development of this disorder.

It’s not uncommon for couples to experience some difficulties over time, but there can be additional challenges when one partner has ADHD. The disorder affects a person’s executive functioning skills. These are skills needed to navigate through five daily behaviours.

● Time management

● The following are some ways to get in touch with us:

● Motivation

● Concentration

● self-discipline

Many people with ADHD forget household chores and ignore their children or spouse. They also have difficulty holding down a job.

These symptoms can be difficult for those with ADHD. But they are also difficult for their partners or spouses. This is particularly true when it comes to long-term relationships, which require both partners’ efforts in order to maintain them. According to some researchers, the spouses and partners of people with ADHD often report feelings of unhappiness in their intimacy or relationship overall.

It’s not uncommon for the non-ADHD partner in a relationship with someone with ADHD to try to gain more control of family matters, such as cleaning, paying the bills, and staying organised. This is particularly true if the ADHD of a partner has not been diagnosed or treated.

What is the effect on a partner who does not have ADHD?

These attempts to “fix” the situation by the non-ADHD partner, while necessary and practical to keep the family on track, can make the ADHD partner feel insecure and even depressed. The relationship is often strained by this, and it can even end.

The dynamic between an ADHD partner and a partner who is not ADHD can be likened to that of a parent-child relationship instead of a healthy partnership. Both partners and the relationship are under a lot of stress. Non-ADHD partners often describe ADHD partners in this way, as being needy and wanting attention.

You may feel:

● Then you can get angry.

● exhausted

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● You can ignore them.

● Offended

● stressed

● Unloved or unwanted

The mental health of the partner who is not ADHD may be affected by a relationship that lasts a long time with a person who has ADHD but is undiagnosed or untreated.

Overhelping by the non-ADHD partner, who is trying to help the ADHD partner because they are struggling to do things themselves, can lead to unhealthy dependency and prevent the ADHD partner from practising life management skills. As a result, the partner who is not ADHD may develop anxiety as they feel overwhelmed with the amount of daily household tasks.

Resentment is another major problem that affects many ADHD and non-ADHD couples. Anger in relationships may arise as a result of one partner overhelping another or due to ADHD partner’s learned helplessness.

If an ADHD partner becomes accustomed to the non-ADHD spouse doing most of the work for him or her, this can lead to unhealthy dependency. This codependency can lead to frustration and the breakup of a relationship if both partners don’t address the issues they are causing.

How to cope with ADHD in your partner

You may find these tips useful if you are having problems in your relationship with someone who has ADHD.

● Learn about ADHD to better understand and be compassionate towards your partner. These blogs provide more information about this condition and offer tips on how to deal with it.

● Create a routine. Many people with ADHD can benefit from structure. Encourage your partner to create a schedule of tasks and events.

● Reminders. Sticky notes, a dry erase board, phone lists, or alarms are all ways to keep an ADHD partner on track.

● Reduce clutter. People with ADHD often struggle with organisation. Clutter can exacerbate these symptoms. Encourage your partner to set up a system that will help you keep your home under control.

● Be clear. Asking for clarification after making a request is an effective way to maintain focus and minimise misunderstandings.

Does ADHD affect intimacy and sex in a relationship?

ADHD symptoms can affect intimacy and sex. Some non-ADHD partners feel like sex can be too fast, rough, and painful. Some people with ADHD skip the foreplay phase and jump straight to intercourse. People with ADHD are hyperactive and may dislike slow intimate behaviours such as caressing.

Researchers have also observed that people with ADHD tend to be restless and bored during sex. This may lead a partner who has ADHD to act out in sexually reckless ways or look for sex elsewhere.

People with ADHD may report low sexual anxiety, but they are often afraid of intimacy. While some people with ADHD have compulsive sexual behaviour, others may experience reduced sex desire and become easily distracted or bored.

In a relationship that is long-term, a mismatch between expectations of sexual intimacy or sexual desire and reality can be a challenge. ADHD can be treated with antidepressants. These drugs have the side effect of reducing sexual desire and sexual performance.

People with ADHD often take antidepressants along with psychostimulants like Adderall that increase their concentration. Meditation can sometimes help people with ADHD focus their attention.

What is the impact of ADHD on a relationship between co parents?

There has been little research on how ADHD affects a co parenting partnership. The little research that exists suggests that mothers with ADHD are less likely to negatively impact a co parenting partnership than fathers, although the reasons for this are not entirely clear.

ADHD can cause significant inequality in parenting and caregiving tasks such as homework help, cooking, and cleaning. This can lead to a one-sided relationship, which can make the partner without ADHD feel lonely. It can also affect children in the family.

What can you do to get help?

The spouse of a person with ADHD

You can improve your life and your partner’s role if you are diagnosed with or suspect you have ADHD. Reaching out to a mental healthcare professional is the first step in getting help. They can develop a plan of treatment that is right for you.

The mental health professional may suggest a combination of treatments, such as talk therapy and medication. You must stick to the treatment plan you have chosen to minimise your symptoms. Acknowledge that ADHD symptoms interfere with the relationship and seek help.

The spouse with ADHD

You may feel frustrated, tired, and upset if your spouse has ADHD. You might also feel emotionally distant. You can resolve these feelings together with your spouse instead of fighting them.

You may find it helpful to speak with a mental health professional or psychotherapist who will listen to your story and provide unbiased advice on how to navigate your situation. Ask for suggestions. There are also in-person and online support groups for spouses who have ADHD. Remember that you’re not responsible for the feelings or behaviour of your partner.

Couples together

It is possible to have a long-term relationship or marriage with at least one ADHD person. You should strive to work as a cohesive team.

Couples or family therapy can help identify issues and find solutions. Patience can also be a key element in maintaining a relationship when dealing with someone who has ADHD. This is a condition that they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives.

Takeaway

ADHD is a chronic mental disorder that can affect both children and adults. When one partner has ADHD, it can present some challenges.

It is possible to have a loving, healthy relationship with someone who has ADHD, as long as you provide them with the right treatment, support, and patience. This will help them feel and function at their best. You’re not the only spouse with ADHD. Take care of yourself and get help if overwhelmed.

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